Listen to while reading: Judging books by their covers by Keaton Henson
I remember the days when I used to subscribe to fashion magazines like Vogue and Elle. Me and Nora used to meet up and create collages out of the magazines we had collected the past few months. They included photos of celebrities we liked, all of the most luxurious and expensive brands we could find and tons of runway outfits and models. Although we had a lot of fun creating these, I believe that each one of the magazines contributed to lowering our self-esteem in some way, even if it was only our subconsciousness that seemed to pick it up. It's several years now since I've purchased a magazine like that. I realized that I did not want to contribute to this industry, that is harming our self-confidence and pushing materialism. They would mostly just remind me of all the things which I did not own nor have in my life, instead of teaching me valuable lessons such as gratitude. And at last I decided to get rid of the collection I had proudly assembled over the years. At this point, I could just punch the idea of perfectionism in the face. I decided to pursue minimalism and try to create my own definition of beauty instead.
A few weeks ago I was cleaning out of some drawers and I actually found a couple of old mags that I had forgotten to throw out, so I decided to try to turn their meaning into something positive instead. I wanted to create my own pages, new pages. So I popped open my journal and filled it with daydreams, paint stokes, memories and bits of magazines.
Here a a few of them along with some journal entries I've made the past few weeks:
In 3 minutes you can listen to a song. In 3 minutes your heart can beat 300 times. In 3 minutes you can brew a cup of tea. In 3 minutes you can hand-write 93 words. In 3 minutes your life can change completely. In 3 minutes you can peel an orange. In 3 minutes you can meditate. In 3 minutes you can lose interest in a conversation. In 3 minutes you can book a one-way ticket. In 3 minutes you can watch the sky. In 3 minutes you can get from the top of a cliff to the bottom of the sea. In 3 minutes you can get dressed. In 3 minutes you can watch three minutes of your favorite movie. In 3 minutes you can call someone and leave a voicemail.
Perhaps my favorite feeling in the whole world is when I'm floating on my back just beneath the water surface, whether that is underwater in the ocean or a lake, and just keeping my eyes open, so that I can see the sunbeams shine through the water like some sort of jewel or prism. The whole world seems to be at peace as I listen to the soft sounds of the ocean and the waves passing by.
April goals: learn a new song on my uke, worry less, take more photos, put off time to get outside.
This night I'm experiencing the heaviest wave of melancholia. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've been so focused on the future lately, so now I seem to be stuck in the past. There are so many decisions to be made and I can't help but feeling overwhelmed by it all. I guess that is why I long for the "simpler times" so much. I long for the sea breeze in my hair which helped me survive the heat as I read "Veronika decides to die" on the beach. I miss the kind of breeze that was constantly playing with and teasing the sheer curtains in my bedroom last summer, whenever I opened the windows. -Which was prette much always. The simplicity, serenity and the beauty. My body aches for the sweet strawberry smoothies, light slip dresses, crystal clear water and the carefreeness. Oh, how I want to go back to France, but most of all, that state of mind. You look at everyone and everything with awe. Taking it all in, bit by bit, seashell by seashell and every cloud that drifts by. Your mind like one with the sky. A mind like the sky. A mind is the sky when at its freest. Everything is so clear. My gentle pink bedsheets are meant to be exactly that hue of pink, just like the peaches are meant to be so juicy that you can't avoid the juice running down your chin. Summertime in France. Oh, take me back. - To the friendliness of the shadow, warmth of the sun and the playfulness of the breeze, the softness of the water and the calmness of the mind.
-"I was really going to be something by the age of 23."
-"Honey, all you have to be by the age of 23... is yourself."
(Reality Bites, 1994)
I will flourish this year and no-one can stop me.