a morning spent thinking of a life without you

tonight i walked through a field that used to scare me 
more than i scared myself 
and thought of the last time that i felt hopeless 
sixteen in my fathers car wondering how 
an artificial light could make me feel so empty 
and if it looked as dull pouring from street lights 
as it did shining from my tiny arms 
on days when the world was too loud 
and my voice was too small 

i wish i had known you then 
about your mind and how it perfectly mimics my own 
or how good it felt to lie in this field 
knowing it was never death that interested me 
it was the idea of an opportunity 
to follow a cold breeze that promised to take me anywhere 
but here 

and you thanked me for curing you 
for saving your life when you thought nobody could 
and reminding you that people are worth loving 
and worth holding onto 
but i'm left with a knot in my chest asking 
why this feels so much like leaving 
and letting go 

treat me like a stained mattress 
rest your body on my body 
let me feel the weight of your existence 
so i know what purpose feels like 
and i'll lie patiently, waiting for a kiss 
three seconds to prove to you 
that the biggest mistake of your life 
was jumping before the building collapsed 

i'm sorry you thought this couldn't work 
because i've never wanted anything more 
in my entire life 
than to prove that it could

- flatsound