Life without the background music

Most of us often find ourselves dreaming of living our lives like the ones in the movies. Adventure, love at first sight, friends who will defend you no matter what, endless amounts of designer clothes and what most of us will describe as the perfect life is right in front of us, wrapped up in a simple cd, a novel or a celebrity's instagram story. Why can't our lives be like that? Why can't everyone of us become the best-selling author, the girl who meets the love of her life in high school, the successful artist, living life in the Italian countryside or the award-winning scientist? We crave to be something more, either it is becoming famous or living an extraordinary and highly exceptional life. Media often promotes unrealistic ideals when it comes to both beauty standards and success, and it is easy to end up feeling lost or feeling like a failure. 

But remember that movies don't show us reality, and most books are just pieces of some imaginary character's life, and that everything about them are often romanticized. On one hand, we have the part of media that shows us what our lives needs to look like for us to be happy, which in most cases is completely wrong since we all are our own unique beings with different definitions of the word happiness. On the other hand, we have the part of media that romanticizes. Unfortunately, instead of praising happiness and light, mental illness and suffering is often romanticized. Like most people I enjoy watching movies, even the cliché chick flicks like 500 days of summer or breakfast at Tiffany's. But do know that media has for a long time sensationalized mental illness at the same time as presenting it in a rosy light and creating manic pixie dream girls. The media has played an important part in portraying mental illness in a way that makes it appealing and even trendy. Despite of the main character dealing with anxiety or depression, there is usually someone there to rescue them. And to tell them, that how broken they are, just makes them more beautiful. Or that their suffering and pain makes them more interesting. More unique. More mysterious. This kind of romanticizing often feeds metal health stigma. Mental illness should not be represented and portrayed as glamorous. If you are dealing with mental illness yourself, know that you deserve more. You deserve to feel free and happy. Don't settle for pain.


I want you to know that you already have everything you need within yourself, that you are important and that you are vibrant. No matter where you come from or whether you are famous or not, you are important and you are your own unique being. Believing in yourself and loving yourself is some of the greatest accomplishments there are. Believe me when I say this, I know it's sometimes hard to believe in yourself, and I know that dancing carefree in the moonlight with silky hair and glossy lips next to your lover, often seems more tempting than reality. Where is my knight in shining armor when I'm crying on the kitchen floor? We are lonely, we are scared, we are insecure and we want to find purpose. But at the end of the day, reality is worth it. You know why? Because we love, we care, we are creative and we are curious. We are intelligent and there is always new things to discover.

Stay strong my love!


"let me tell you something:

no one is going to look at you, broken and shattered
and think -
damn, you are beautiful.

no one is going to come pick up your broken pieces off the floor and
assemble them into a beautiful whole.

you won’t even look at yourself and think - 
I made broken look beautiful.

you know why?

because all those writers lied to you.

all those with their poems of scraped knuckles and
blood dripping down chins,
pomegranate songs and loves that ripped through you like


so you and i,
we are going to make a plan.

you are not going to romanticize days when your brain tells you to smash that mirror,
you are not going to romanticize the lover who doesn’t understand you
but still writes about you.

here is what you are going to romanticize instead:

you are going to romanticize the first day of spring,
its gentle hands all over your body,
lifting you up until you are as light as a feather.

you are going to romanticize the tea and honey kind of love,
no hurricanes,
but sunshine that builds you up from within, 
that helps you make it through the worst days.

you are going to romanticize gentle hands of a friend
in yours,
telling you that it is going to be okay.

because it is.

and don’t trust poets,
we’re no good,
we love pretending that our jagged edges tantamount to a beautiful disaster, but in reality - 
there ain’t nothing beautiful about shaky hands holding a cigarette and
empty eyes staring at the cracks in the walls.

you know what is beautiful, instead?

the days when you can look at yourself in the mirror and smile,
scars and all.

music that makes your soul flow like a river,
books that offer comfort,
families flocking together like overgrown birds to keep you safe and warm,
friends that give you strength when you can find none,
lovers who make you laugh through tears.

from now on
you are going to romanticize healing;

honey dripping down your fingertips,
August nights that stick to your skin,
the day you find your purpose,
long car rides and singing so loud that no one can shut you up now.

bad news:
no one is coming to save you.

good news:
you can save yourself."

— Lana Rafaela