Sleep, succulents and self-care: Debunked
Light some candles, put on a facemask, have a bath. Buy aromatherapy this, mindful that. Take this yoga class, go for a run. Drinking green tea will keep you healthy. Buy a colouring book, listen to ASMR. A new potted plant will make you happy, apparently.
Self-care is being sold as a set of steadfast rules to guide you to happiness. Though these suggestions are conducive to enhanced wellbeing, they are spoon-fed as a definitive cure to any issue we face. It is important to unpick the commercialised self-care that is sold through influencers and Instagram, to unlearn that there is one right way to look after yourself. Because essential oils and an excess of succulents are not the heart of self-preservation. What these small actions imply is time for yourself, prioritising peace, and looking after both your physical and mental health. Whilst some forget how essential self-nurture is to an optimal existence, others procure a construct of self-care that is unappealing and inaccessible. We have unwittingly been told there is the right way and the wrong way to do it, without truly taking the time to consider what this means to us as individuals.
Self-care is any deliberate activity used to sustain good physical, mental or emotional health. It encompasses everything we do to look after ourselves. There are certain aspects that apply to us all – fundamental building blocks for good health and wellbeing. Are you getting eight hours of sleep? Do you eat a balanced and nutritious diet? Regular exercise? How often do you spend time with people that make you feel good about yourself? Equally, how often are you taking time out to be with yourself? To write an instruction manual on how to self-care would be pure hypocrisy on my part, for only you know how to look after yourself. But it is vital to debunk some self-care myths:
1.
There is a conclusive self-care method. The keyword in self-care is self. It follows that only the individual can ever truly know what their own self-care looks like. Of course, there are the building blocks outlined above. But then there are the superficial fixes we apply in frantic self-preservation. The facemasks, the bath bombs, the candles. We are told what self-care looks like, leading to feelings of inadequacy when these techniques fail to “fix” us. To investigate what your personal self-care constitutes will involve both experimentation and introspection. What does your healthy, happy self look like? How can you use this to implement self-care into your routine? Do you need more time by yourself? Then consider taking a bath, doing a facemask. Do you need less time by yourself? Schedule regular meet-ups with the people that make you feel safe and welcome. Are you in need of more sleep? Research sleep hygiene, or ASMR that will calm you down before bed. Perhaps you need exercise before bed to tire you out. There is no singular right way to look after yourself, and it will take you time to figure out what benefits you.
2.
“I don’t have time.” Here is where most of us will slip up. Self-care is not a ten-minute slot in your busy schedule. It is a constant practice of assessing your wellbeing and taking steps to enrich this. One evening of red wine and facemasks in a bubble bath is not sufficient self-care. Self-care requires a more holistic approach, in which we question ourselves constantly. Ask yourself: how am I really feeling today? What have I done for myself today? Do not wait until the point of exhaustion to schedule time for yourself. Self-care is preventative. Inevitably you will find yourself more productive in the long term. And if you do not have time, make time or risk burnout.
3.
Self-care is expensive. Everything seems to be marketed as a product to be sold, a service to be provided. Nothing comes for free. Even self-care has been monopolised – but personal maintenance does not have to be expensive. Though we could all be a little more invested in taking care of ourselves, self-care does not necessarily require a mass financial investment. For some people, a seven-step night-time skincare routine is key to winding down before bed and putting energy into themselves. For others, weekly Bikram yoga is an investment not only into physical health but a way to obtain the endorphins required to keep our brains healthy. But not everyone can afford this. How can we avoid the costly constructed version of self-care but still look after ourselves? A lot of the cost factors are only superficial facilitators of self-preservation. They are valuable to some but inaccessible (and avoidable) for others. A gym membership can be substituted by home workouts or daily walks/runs. The calming environment created with oil diffusers and Anthropologie candles can be achieved through a tidy living environment or calming music. By identifying your intent, you can find cheaper or even free alternatives. After all, wealth is not synonymous with happiness.
4.
Self-care will cure [insert mental illness]. This is a tiring, and factually incorrect, rhetoric. It frustratingly invalidates anyone who has suffered from mental illness. Though self-care can benefit mental health, it cannot cure mental illness. There is a difference. Meditation does not cure clinical depression, taking a bath will not eradicate an anxiety disorder. Naturally, self-care is an important contribution to a healthy mindset. Some of the techniques used can alleviate some symptoms of mental illness; they can be used to cope. But self-care is not just for those who suffer from mental health. And it addresses all aspects of wellbeing, not just psychological. You can meditate for 40 hours a week but smoke 40 cigarettes a day – arguably this does not constitute caring for yourself.
5.
Self-care is selfish. Wrong. Self-care is not self-indulgent or self-centred. These phrases carry egotistical connotations entirely unrelated to making sure you are okay. As autonomous beings, we are as responsible for looking after ourselves as we are for looking after our friends. If anything, proficient self-care will only enable you to be more proactive outside of yourself. We often tell ourselves to put others before us, but this selflessness without self-care will be ineffective. Devoting positive energy to yourself will result in a manifestation of said energy in your work, relationships, activism, and (most importantly) personal wellbeing. After all, you cannot pour from an empty cup.
As the world continues shifting away from extreme lockdown to the infamous ‘new normal’, everything appears to be changing at an alarming pace. With this comes formidable anxiety toward the rather uncertain future. As a result, self-care is more important than ever. So, if you have made it to the end of this article, take two minutes to breathe. How are you feeling today? Have you taken the time to do something for yourself yet? If not, schedule something in. Not just tomorrow, but the next day. And every day after that. You will thank yourself for it.
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